So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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