So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My life is pants optional.
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