If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
