Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
