oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
