He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize