So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
