When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
