Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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