Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
