I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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