well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
