he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
