Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
