just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
