all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
