After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
