omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
