I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
