i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
