I will die if light touches me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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