Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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