i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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