I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The adults are the big ones right?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
