john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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