i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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