When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I looked at my own cervix.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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