we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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