we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
