I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Found the puke drawer
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
