a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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