that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
