Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
