So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
