Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
