She is in my trunk
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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