u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
