Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
