tell your sister to shave her snatch
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize