I feel great
I just peed on a car
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my being single is dangerous.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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