She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize