your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
