I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
