my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
