i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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