I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
