so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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