I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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