I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
