Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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