What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
