my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i dont even know how to be here
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you had me at cake vodka
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
