Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
