how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
