I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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