38 yer olds are good kisserssss
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
