you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
