Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
