if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
