You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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