i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
