you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
