Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
