the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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