Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
