the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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