I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
