I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Please, let me fuck your mom
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Randomize
