There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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