I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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