Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
